


Love Is Watching

by ctmts



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: College AU, F/M, Romance, Smut, Super Sad Times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 10:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9379547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ctmts/pseuds/ctmts
Summary: When Leslie loses her father, she realises how much she needs Ben.- -"Hi," he smiles, "You kissed me."She nods, taking a step back so she can lean against the counter, "I did. I made a promise. You kissed me back.""I made a promise too." He replies.





	

Two weeks.

It had been two weeks since the funeral, and now she was back in her dorm room, sitting at her desk, chewing on her hair and drumming her fingertips on the table top.  She catches herself after a few minutes and drops her hands to her lap, it was then she realised that there was absolutely nothing on her mind.  There was always something on her mind.  She continues to stare at the blinking cursor on her Microsoft Word document.  It mocks her.  It knows she has been beaten, and she just needs to accept that these papers just aren’t going to be written just now.

Her professors told her to take more time, her mom told her to take more time, her friends told her to take more time, but she thought that working hard might soften the blow, as if that were possible.

She was torn between clinging onto her mother for dear life, and trying to drive some space between them.  Her Mom needed time to process, and Leslie didn’t want to be an extra burden on top of her grief.  She told herself that’s why she went back to school nine days after they left his hospital room for the last time, it was not for her, but for Marlene.

For the last five days, Leslie had been a permanent fixture underneath her sheets.  She had never seen the appeal of so much sleep before, but when her internal clock woke her at 5:30 every morning she would shut her eyes tightly and will more sleep to come. She couldn’t eat his chilli or call him on Friday nights to discuss the politicians Jon Stewart had been mocking all week, but she begged her brain to give her another few hours in the hope that she might be doing these things with him in her dreams.

She finds herself standing in front of her mirror without having quite realised that she’d stood up from her study chair.  She stares at the sad girl in the mirror before her, and takes deep breath while shaking her head.  Her bouncy, blonde curls were gone, her hair hangs greasy and limp just above her shoulders.  She tries to force a smile, but for some reason the girl in the mirror is baring her teeth and contorting her face into a grimace.

Leslie was not a quitter, but she knew she wasn’t even trying to process her grief.  She wasn’t in denial, but she was inconsolably numb.  Ann had been working nights on the ward as part of her training so she felt incredibly isolated hiding alone in their apartment.  Maybe she needed to go home?  The thought brings fresh tears to her eyes.  She was so tired of crying.

She showers quickly, and begins to hastily pack a bag full of sweatpants and textbooks.  She drives out of the student parking lot before her brain has a chance to tell her that going back home is a bad decision.  Would wrapping herself in his flannels and breathing in his smell make her feel worse?  Probably, but she knows she'll do it anyway.

 

When she pulls into her driveway she notices that there’s no car, she smiles, happy that Marlene has managed to get out of the house.  It’s certainly a bigger step than Leslie had been taking recently.

He is standing at her kitchen counter, a mug of coffee in one hand and a Stephen King paperback in the other.  She lets her duffel bag fall from her shoulder as she makes her way over to him.  When he notices her presence, he closes the book and gives her a sad smile.

When she’s finally in front of him, she takes the mug out of his hand and places it lightly on the counter, and reaches her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her.  She reaches up and plants her lips on his, it’s gentle and slow, and he immediately leans into the kiss.  Feeling him so close to her fills her with the first positive emotion she feels in what seems like months.

She pulls back slowly, and when their eyes meet, his signature smirk is plastered on his face.  Ben leans forward again and places a light kiss on her forehead, then on her lips.  She sighs into him, their bodies flush together, her arms draped over his shoulders, his hanging loose on her lower back.

"Hi," he smiles, "You kissed me."

She nods, taking a step back so she can lean against the counter, "I did. I made a promise. You kissed me back."

"I made a promise too." He replies.

“You’re in my kitchen.” She remarks, cocking one eyebrow as she watches him walk over to the cupboards.  He takes out a clean mug and fills it with water from the sink before placing it on the counter and sliding it over to where she is standing.  She smiles and takes a sip.

“I got here a few hours ago.  I was so worried about you Les.” He replies, running his his hands over her shoulders in circular motions.

“But you’re in my house.” She states again, stressing the confusion in her voice.

“I am, I was dropping off some flowers from my mom, and Marlene asked to borrow my car to run some errands. She wasn’t comfortable driving your dad’s… well you know I uhh, I offered her mine.”  He stumbles over his words, watching her wince at the mention of her father, and the confused expression on her face when he mentioned the car.  Marlene had clearly neglected to tell her daughter that she sold the car the day Leslie went back to school in a stress related emotional breakdown.  The first of many.  “I was just waiting for her to get back, I was going to drive out to see you at school, but you’re here!”

“Things weren’t going well at school, so I thought I should come home, be with my Mom,” she states, Ben nods.  “I know you came all the way to see me, and Ben, I am so incredibly grateful, and I want to talk to you, I think we clearly have things to talk about,” she remarks, subconsciously rubbing her fingers over her lips, “I just, do you mind if I go lie down.  I think I need to lie down.”

“Can I join you?”  He asks, smiling softly as she places their mugs in the sink.  She doesn’t reply, she simply takes his hand and leads him out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

There are so many memories of her father in her bedroom, she feels like its almost a shrine of the past now.  Countless family photos litter every surface, from childhood family holidays to her high school graduation, Leslie stands proudly in every one, grinning ear to ear with her parents on either side of her.  She knows they haven’t changed, but it feels almost like her father’s smile has faded in every one.  It breaks her heart all over again.

Ben walks closely behind her, he follows suit when she kicks off her shoes and slips in behind her when she throws back the sheets.  She faces the wall, and he slots in behind her, bending his left elbow underneath a pillow, and wrapping his right around her waist, pulling her in close.  They lie in silence like this for a few minutes, Leslie savours the contact and warmth after being alone for so many days.

“You made a promise?” He asks, and he feels her hair move against his neck as she nods her head.

“I made a promise to _him_ ,” she whispers.  “A few days before he… I was in his room; it was one of the last full conversations we had actually,” he hears her voice crack so he pulls her in even tighter.  “He told me about how he watched my mom from afar for years before he made his first move, and how it was his friend who eventually forced him to ask her out.  He said that I’m much too headstrong to let anyone make my decisions for me, and that I was incredibly brave and strong, but sometimes I was too scared to follow my heart.  He asked me to promise him that if there was something my heart wanted, that I wouldn’t hold back.  So I… I didn’t.  That’s why I kissed you.  I wanted to do that for a really long time, please don’t think I did it because I’m emotionally vulnerable just now.” 

He kisses her hair softly and takes her hand, “I don’t think that Leslie.  It’s okay, I wanted you to kiss me.”

“You said you made a promise too, what did you mean?”  He loosens his grip on her waist as she rolls over, so that they’re both lying on their sides facing each other, knees touching.

“Robert spoke to me, the last time I visited with you, when you went to get coffee with your Mom,” he admits, reaching up to brush a stray tear that was slipping down Leslie’s cheek.  “He made me promise to never stop loving you.  He knew before I really knew, he knew before both of us”

Leslie bites her lip, “Oh my goodness, this makes me so sad, but so happy.  I’m happy-sad Ben.  I love you.”

He pushes back the hairs that have fallen in front of Leslie’s face and smiles, “I guess I’m in love with you too, Miss Knope.”

Their lips find each other’s again, and there’s this whole side of Ben coming out that Leslie has been secretly pining to see all these years.  He’s cupping her face so lightly with his palms, and she’s fighting every urge not to break down, because in this moment, everything hurts, but Ben **loves** her, and her father wants…wanted them to be together.

Their kiss deepens and she finds herself sitting on his lap, hands planted either side of his head on the pillow.  When she pushes down on his crotch, he moans softly against her lips, and the sound of him is so delicious she just wants to be completely lost in him.  No words are exchanged when she lifts up to allow him to pull her sweater over her head.  Leslie shivers with the loss of heat, so he makes sure to pull the sheets up around her shoulders. 

She pulls back from his kiss as his hands slowly trace the outline of her chest over her plain t-shirt.  She had given up wearing a bra - that was lost two weeks ago when she stopped caring about her appearance - and begins toying with the zipper of his jeans.  “Please don’t ask me if I want this, I want this. I’m not using you to make me forget how terrible I feel. I’m on the pill, I’m clean. I want you, I love you.”

He nods wordlessly, and reaches up to take her hand and kiss her knuckles.  Their clothes are slowly discarded, and he begins to gently stroke her.  She shakes her head and smiles, “I just want to feel you now,” she whispers before pulling on his arm.

“I understand,” he whispers back, their noses bumping together as he adjusts his position until he’s kneeling over her, her thighs now hanging loosely over his knees.  When he takes his right hand and slowly guides himself inside her she locks her eyes on his, her mouth slowly opening until she gasps loudly at the stretch and the glorious feeling of surrounding him.

She feels selfish, just lying there and allowing him to fuck her without making any effort.  He doesn’t seem to mind, his lips are constantly working over her neck, her chest, and her lips as he thrusts softly into her. 

She doesn’t need to tell him how she likes it, it feels almost like he can read every expression on her face to know exactly when to adjust her legs, when to speed up and when to slow down and just hold her.

When she comes, its not earth shattering, but her legs are shaking and she’s whimpering softly as she guides his fingers away from her clit.  He follows her soon after, but she clings on to him to stop him from moving away.  “Please, let’s just stay like this for a moment, I want to remember exactly what this feels like.”

He kisses her forehead and stills, allowing her to run her fingertips over his back and feel his pounding heart rate begin to slow again.  He moves away after a few minutes of lying quietly pressed together, and grabs a towel from her chair to clean himself off.

“You don’t totally regret that do you?”  She asks nervously, suddenly feeling incredibly exposed so she grabs the sheets that had pooled at the bottom of her bed and wraps them around her naked body.

“Les, please don’t be silly, I love you, I will never, ever regret being with you.”  He slips back in next to her and they lie in a comfortable silence for some time, her head resting on his chest.  “How about we get cleaned up and then we could even go to JJ's and get some waffles?  I want to make sure you’re still eating.”

“I kind of just want to stay here,” she replies.  “Being back home is probably good for me just now, but I can’t stand the sad smiles and condolences from everyone I see.  I just want to hide here with you for a while, you make me feel safe.”

“I completely understand; I can go grab them for takeout?  We can’t let the people of Pawnee ruin waffles for you now can we?”

“That sounds perfect, Ben, thank you.  Thank you for being here.”

“Of course doll, I know this is going to be super difficult for you, but I’m here as long as you need me, I’ve brought my school work and my tutors are emailing me lecture notes.  I’ll be here until you’re ready to face the real world, and until then I can keep you safe.”  He places a kiss on her forehead and climbs out of bed, reaching for his underwear and sliding the boxers over his hips.

She smiles, wrapping herself further in the sheets as she watches him dress, “I don’t deserve you.” 

“I made a promise, Les, and I’m never going to break it.”  He replies, he blows her a dorky kiss before leaving her bedroom closing the door lightly behind him.

Leslie rolls onto her back, squeezing her eyes tight shut.  She hears the front door click and finds herself smiling, genuinely smiling for the first time in two weeks.  Her best friend loves her, and he’s going to take care of her. 

She realises she’s found exactly what she never knew she needed.  Losing her father had left a huge gap in her heart that she feared would never fully heal, but she has a dorky, brown eyed boy to sew up her wounds a little. 

She thinks back to what Ben said to her on the day of the funeral: “It doesn’t ever stop hurting, but as the days pass the hurt will grow smaller and smaller until it finally feels okay to be happy again without feeling guilty.”

She never realised how much she needed Ben, her Ben until now.  She knows that he's going to make her feel okay again.  

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sad Leslie makes me sad.  
> This idea came into my head last night when I couldn't sleep.  
> I just wanted to give her 10 more years with her father.  
> I hope you enjoyed reading!
> 
> :)


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